"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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