It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
