Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
