8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Do vagina's smell?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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