He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
