It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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