today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
