I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
