It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
