I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
