I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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