I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
