My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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