Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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