I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
