I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Found the puke drawer
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
