Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
