he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I wear drunk well.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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