i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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