She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
