Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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