I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
