Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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