I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
