the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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