I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
