So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
