her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
