Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
time to smoke my breakfast
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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