he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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