she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
