Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
