i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
