Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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