Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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