Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i want to swaddle you in tequila
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
