he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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