oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
