and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
