Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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