im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
