this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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