drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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