Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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