My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
