i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
