I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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