In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Green mimosas i think yes
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
