And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
