He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
