Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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