you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
