it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
