I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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