I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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