ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
