Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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