My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
being pregnant is like rehab
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
